


Bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out.

by werepope (quiteparadise)



Series: 2014 Advent Calendar for a Filthy-Minded Athiest [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Holidays, M/M, Presents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-02
Updated: 2014-12-02
Packaged: 2018-02-27 21:58:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2708201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiteparadise/pseuds/werepope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Buying the perfect present for your one and only: an idiot's guide.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Advent calendar challenge: commercialism.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out.

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place in an AU that will probably come up quite a few more times in this challenge. Stories featuring these characters will have this note in it:
> 
> A "What Forever Is" story.

Liam buys things for Zayn all the time. Little nothing gifts, things he sees in sale bins and that Zayn will like. An oversized gummy triceratops or a pound DVD of old Popeye cartoons. The sort of thing you get for someone when you know them with a certainty and, after dating for ten years, Liam's got a good amount of certainty when it comes to Zayn.

They met in year two, bonded over the junk that matters to kids at that age. They both liked the Power Rangers a lot and both had to deal with a big sister – Liam had two, and Zayn could only boggle at the idea of that, eyes screwed up and tongue out in gross sympathy.

They started dating in year three, the way kids do at that age. They held hands in line after recess and sat together at lunch and bought each other special valentines.

God knows how they've stuck through it this far, except that somehow it always seemed like end game. Like a given. They made the leap at twelve, at thirteen, from playground romance to something like actual dating. From holding hands and swapping dessert at lunch to holding hands and kissing during sleep-overs. They grew up and so did this big, complicated, dead simple thing between them.

They've been dating for ten years and, if Liam weren't so used to taking it for granted, he'd marvel at it.

Liam buys things for Zayn the same way he'd buy them for himself, and Zayn does the same. He'll come in from shopping and drop a filmy plastic bag in Liam's lap and kiss his cheek, and Liam will thank his retreating back for the magazine or the Mars bar or the new earbuds. It's easy and ingrained as breathing, really, the way they get on.

So why does he struggle every single year to get him a decent Christmas present?

He started a list of possibilities this time, all the way back in October. But in December it's a useless thing. Zayn's already got all the albums and movies by now. And some of it is just too expensive – a leather jacket was a great idea, even doable with a bit of penny-saving, but now he's buying for Zayn and his parents and his sisters, and the lads are just doing a Secret Santa but that's still ten pounds, isn't it?

By the time his list is revised there are only two items on it: blowjob coupons or a puppy.

Liam asks Harry, whose fits of insight about his mates make him some kind of interpersonal deviant – or is it savant? He calls Zayn's mum, in the hopes of there being some classified What I Want for Christmas list out there in the aether. He scrolls through Zayn's Amazon wishlist but it's all books and he will not, he refuses to get his boyfriend a book for Christmas. He googles "boyfriend gift" and he knows he's well and truly fucked when he spends ten minutes reading all the details on a pair of flash drive cufflinks.

He goes to the mall with Louis, who is going anyway to pick up a gift for Niall – a pint glass with a dirty joke on it. Louis is great at picking out gifts.

"Give him sex coupons," is Louis' advice. He holds up two glasses. "Dick or boobs?"

Liam thinks he should get the one with the mustache. Louis dismisses him with a huff and a roll of his eyes, leaving Liam to face the indignity of being a bad boyfriend all on his own.

It's not as if Liam thinks that Zayn is going to throw him off for someone better at this. Someone more thoughtful or who just has a little more forethought. It's just– It shouldn't be this hard. Buying something for Zayn shouldn't feel like buying the rope with which to hang himself. It really does make him feel like a bad boyfriend.

He gets him a scarf and matching beanie. They're grey cashmere and nice and a bit more than he'd intended to spend but, if he's going to get Zayn a shit Christmas gift, it might as well be nice shit. When he refuses to show Louis what's in the bag, Louis makes a drawn out noise like a sad trombone. Liam shoves him into a display of phone cases.

Zayn gets him a pair of real headphones, the kind that won't break after a month and need to be replaced. They're black and yellow with the Batman symbol on one of the ears. Liam loves him so much.

Zayn pulls the hat on over his bed-head. "Ace," he says, shoving his fingers into the bundle of soft wool. He beams.

Before Liam gets a chance to apologize for getting something so generic, so boring, such a mum gift – Zayn puts the scarf around his neck and uses it to reel him in for a kiss. He smiles against Liam's mouth and says "Love you, babe."

Liam promises himself, swears he'll do better next year. Out loud he says: "There's coupons for blowjobs in there, too."

Zayn goes through all of them before his birthday.


End file.
